


I might as well have given it up (all for you)

by CrystallizedInsomniac



Category: Block B
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Brief knifeplay, M/M, They're both a mess, they're bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 15:40:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15643806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystallizedInsomniac/pseuds/CrystallizedInsomniac
Summary: This is why he doesn't do feelings, it gets too messy and there's no reset button to try again with a different choice.





	I might as well have given it up (all for you)

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the song **Devil** by **Dessert**

Jaehyo doesn’t read the comments while he’s playing nowadays, it’s nearly impossible to do so what’s with the way his channel has grown in the last year or so. Whereas before he would’ve been able to actually hold conversations with the small fanbase he used to have, now he settles for skimming the comments and reading those that don’t get sucked up by the incoming messages.

Today however, it’s been calm. Mostly because he decided to host a stream at 3am in the morning impromptu, which is why when he reads out of the corner of his eye the words “behind you” and “who’s that?” he doesn’t think much.

He scoffs, “Yeah you guys, that’s why I’m hiding,” and goes back to paying attention to the screen.

The volume is turned up to the max so he can hear every creak and noise coming from the game. He’s been trying to beat this part of the game for the last hour and despite how many times he’s played through it, his heart still beats erratically.

It doesn’t help that in the comments they’re either making him more paranoid than he should be or they’re straight up trying to make him mess up.

“I just need him to walk past me, I’ve tried every single place to hide at and this is literally the last one I—“ his eyes flicker to the comment box briefly, frowns, “—what? No. I’m not dead. He’s not even close I can’t hear him.”

Jaehyo takes a chance — he’s calling it quits soon enough anyways — and opens up the closet just to take a peak, the screen goes momentarily bright before it focuses and he’s looking out into the dirty hall. Nothing. He goes back inside.

“I think this is it,” he says, eyes widening slightly when he starts to hear the familiar footsteps of the monster drawing closer. “Fucking _finally._ ”

In his excitement and confidence — because there’s no way he’s going to die this time — he looks over at the comment box expecting to be met with the same feeling from the viewers.

[rawtroop]: behind you!!!

[thrwofax]: OMG DUDE BEHIND YOU

[pok3win3]: who is that? lol

[sparkz78]: hi! please notice me !!!!

[sunshine5326]: I think he’s dead lmao, jaehyo who is that?

[sparkz78]: <3 < 3 <3

He frowns, eyes scanning the wifi connection and the stream. “Is it lagging? You guys no, I finally got away from him.” Even so, the comments keep on coming and Jaehyo really can’t tell if they’re fucking with him or not. He can’t look behind him because he’s hiding in a closet, there’s no way to look behind in the video game.

He moves to click on the little wifi icon on screen to check if the stream is lagging due to shitty signal, but instead ends up accidentally clicking on the game screen. His eyes widen, “No no no! _wait fuc—_ ”

The closet door slams open and the monster grabs him by the neck and strangles him. Jaehyo groans, lets his head drop on the keyboard. Groans even more.

The comment box starts to go crazy.

He doesn’t raise his head from the keyboard until he hears the song from the game’s main menu start to slowly fade in. When he does, he lets out a sigh, rubs his eyes. He’s tired, but not in the mood to sleep.

He fixes his headphones, smiles up at the camera weakly. “It’s going to be—“ he looks at the clock, squints, “—huh, it’s going to be six. Yeah, it’s um… _ha_ , I’m not too much of a masochist to try that again. Maybe next time.”

Reads another comment. “I just lost. There’s no one behind me. I’m not playing anymore.”

Jaehyo says nothing, watches as the comments keep rolling in. Now that’s it’s starting to get a bit later and people are actually waking up, the comment section is starting to become more lively. They’re all commenting the same thing to an extent.

It’s kind of annoying. “I’m not sure what you’re all trying to do, but I just stopped playing.”

The sound of a bell goes off and Jaehyo frowns, opens up his private messages. He wasn’t expecting any of the guys to be up, but there’s a new message from the group chat. He’s been mentioned.

His eyes move to the comment box, people are asking what he’s looking at.

“Sorry, I thought the group was offline, I just got a message.” He opens it up.

[holke]: Dude, there’s literally someone inside your bedroom.

[jhyo]: ??? what

[jhyo]: wait you were watching my stream? :( why didnt you say anything?

[holke]: No, jiho was watching your stream then he woke me up because you suck at listening to people.

[holke]: Also why are you more worried about me watching your stream and not telling you, than the fact that I just told you that someone broke in into your bedroom.

The thing is, Jaehyo doesn’t want to look back — doesn’t want to give Kyung the satisfaction of falling for another one of his stupid little pranks. As petty as it may seem, he is apparently, despite what Jaehyo once would’ve thought, not above it.

Besides, he didn’t leave the door unlocked. He’s been home all day, and the door to his bedroom makes a lot of noise too. Jaehyo lets out a laugh, begins typing something for Kyung but then pauses, and erases it.

He closes the Block B group chat and looks up at the camera. “That was Kyung, apparently he says someone broke in into my bedroom.”  
Unsurprisingly the comments that follow are the same ones. He rolls his eyes.

“If someone would’ve entered my room,” He begins, lazily turning around in his chair halfway, he looks over his shoulder. The door is closed, undisturbed. The mess that he had pushed aside so that it wouldn’t show up in the background is still there, undisturbed as well, and his bed, “I would’ve noticed, my door makes a lot of noise and besides, I live alo—“

His bed is currently occupied by someone.

His eyes widen and he looks at the camera. Kyung keeps sending him messages and Jaehyo’s eyes are focused on the comment box. They’re all asking who the person is and Jaehyo—

Jaehyo ends the stream.

It isn’t until he takes off his headphones and stands up from his chair, throwing them carelessly on the desk — he’s been meaning to buy new ones, no big deal — that he realizes just how bad that was.

The whole ending the stream so abruptly thing. That — _Fuck_ , he knows people are going to start spamming his inbox and then the other’s inboxes. He loves his fans, he really does, but they get worried over the smallest things.

Kyung still gets hate messages sometimes from that one time he called Jaehyo dumb and kept teasing him when they were playing Overwatch. Apparently his eyes had watered because of his frustration, but in reality what had happened was that _something_ got stuck in his eye.

So the fact that Taeil somehow managed to arrive home without Jaehyo noticing, and then breaking in into his room which he had _locked_ before streaming certainly will look alarming to normal people. Then like a dumbass, he ignored the comments and then cut off the stream.

“Taeil,” He calls out in hopes of seeing just how unconscious the other man is. When he doesn’t get a response he walks towards the bed.

Jaehyo doesn’t understand how he has enough brain functions to get back home from the shitty bar he likes to frequent alone, correctly input the passcode to their apartment, get a bobby pin from behind the fake fruit bowl in the kitchen, break in into Jaehyo’s room, and then somehow not be able to properly get on the bed.

He’s got half of his body on the floor, head on a position that is _surely_ to give him a stiff neck once morning — or rather, _later_ — comes and it’s a wonder how he hasn’t woken up from the uncomfortable position or fallen completely.

“You’re a mess.” He tells the man, eyes scanning his body. Taeil ditched all of his clothes except for his pants and socks and Jaehyo finds himself staring at the tattoo in his chest. The way Taeil’s chest falls and raises slowly in sync with his breathing. 

Then he very pointedly ignores the visible bruises on the man’s side and trailing down his stomach and disappearing down his pants.

He won’t think about it.

The thing about this picture is the familiarity that gnaws at the back of his mind. This is how it always plays out. Taeil goes out drinking all weekend, sometimes he comes back home and other times he doesn’t. When he does, he passes out anywhere but most commonly it’s Jaehyo’s bed.

Then Jaehyo sleeps on the couch because Taeil kicks in his sleep and Jaehyo has had the bruises to show it.

The thing is, he’s not sure how he feels about it anymore. He’s also not sure why it’s bothering him _now_ , it’s been a while now since he’s gotten used to this routine. It never mattered to him, or at least it didn’t when no one knew of Taeil’s existence in relation to Jaehyo’s own life.

So he’s frustrated, sue him. Jaehyo has never been one to keep his life private in his channel, in fact, he’s one of the members from the group that has opened up much more about his life, so were it another person other than Taeil he wouldn’t have freaked out.

The problem is that it was Taeil, and he should’ve seen it coming. It’s a _routine_ for fucks sakes. He was careless. He doesn’t know if he’s angry at himself or at Taeil for being such an annoying little shit.

Jaehyo grabs his arm, tries to pull. Fails.

He can’t move Taeil, of course he can’t. He knows this from previous experiences.

Resigned, he gives the man one last dirty look and walks over to his computer. There’s at least ten new messages from the group chat.

[holke]: I’m not joking.

[holke]: Seriously who is that?

[bbomb]: what did I miss? I just woke up

[holke]: Some dude with tattoos showed up to murder jaehyo

[holke]: Why are you up so early anyways?

[bbomb]: I’m going out to jog with yukwon and sunhye

[holke]: The three of you weird me out.

[bbomb]: this is why you’re so short, you don’t exercise.

[holke]: Fuck off.

[bbomb]: anyways, back to Jaehyo’s death. I told him that it wasn’t a good idea to piss off that guy at the bar last month.

[bbomb]: why the fuck was he streaming at 3am.

[holke]: idk, ask him. If he’s still alive. He just ended the stream without saying shit.

[bbomb]: unprofessional.

[holke]: I know right.

[bbomb]: it could be a friend or a booty call

[holke]: jaehyo doesn’t have any more friends, we’re his only friends. Besides, does he look like the type to be getting/giving dick at six in the morning?

[bbomb]: well

[holke]: You’re an exception.

Jaehyo rolls his eyes. Begins typing.

[holke]: Oh look he’s typing. He’s either not dead or his murderer is writing to us.

[bbomb]: you good with games? We can’t be block b if we’re missing a member

[holke]: yeah he’s like the face of the group. If you’re handsome let us know.

[jhyo]: first of all, im not dead.

[bbomb]: bummer.

[jhyo]: second, its nothing. its just my roommate, he does this shit a lot. breaking in into my room, sleeping in my bed. i forgot he wasnt home last night.

[holke]: You have a roommate? Since when?

[jhyo]: uh… six months?

[bbomb]: I thought you said you lived alone.

[jhyo]: I kinda do, hes never around anyways.

[holke]: He has a bunch of tattoos, where did you find him?

Jaehyo hesitates for a second, he’s not sure he wants to talk about this now. Not when he knows that now he’s going to need to come up with some sort of excuse or explanation as to what happened in the stream.

Taeil is going to kill him, even if it wasn’t his fault.

[jhyo]: i havent slept in a whole day you guys. ill explain later.

He doesn’t wait for a reply from either of them, instead he closes the chat window and turns off his computer. Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hand, he feels a little stupid as he stares at Taeil lying on his bed.

Usually he’d wake him up and force him to go back to his own bedroom, but today he’s not really in the mood. He walks over to the bed, and with some light prodding and pushing, manages to move Taeil’s body further into the other end of the bed.

His mouth opens up slightly, and Jaehyo feels something warm settle in his chest uncomfortably. It’s cute, alcohol breath notwithstanding.

_Damn it._

The light is starting to filter in slowly through the little gaps in between the curtains and underneath as Jaehyo gets on the bed. He keeps telling himself that the only reason he’s sleeping next to Taeil is because this is his bed and he’s not going to be kicked out of it by some overgrown man-child.

“I will kill you if you end up drooling on me.” He threatens before laying his head on his pillow and closing his eyes. He knows he’s going to have to deal with… whatever happens next. He’d just rather do it with a couple of hours of actual sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> maybe if i post this as multiple chapters i'll actually finish it. i'll try to update each friday. come scream at me over at my [twitter](https://twitter.com/genhuxsolo)


End file.
